Posted by: L | August 25, 2008

Destination unknown

It’s been six months and 10 days since my spinal fusion surgery. I’ve been working on a post that reflected how this is all going. I can’t really get it together yet. The thoughts and words are jumbled. I’m still working on finding points that connect or don’t. The thread that keeps returning in my brain is: what life changes are ahead of me due to the surgery mistakes?

Many of you have asked, thank you, how my 6-month check up went. OK. The doctor is happy with the progress (whatever that means) but is not yet comfortable making the call on how it’s really healing and whether I will need another surgery. It is very possible that this will happen. He’ll make the call at the year mark (Feb. 2009). I was hoping for more (my type A personality showing). I was prepared, or thought I was for his observations and diagnosis. His comments and honesty have put me in limbo (a bit). I’m working through this. Slowly and surely.

I’m also continuing to challenge myself for change. This is always hard, but also necessary given so much personal change. Some people have been incredibly supportive and helpful both personally and professionally and some have not. I’ve let some of the latter take precedence in the last several years. Some of these have been my own decisions leading to my own life learning lessons and others not. All in the name of a predefined sense of stability only to find some of these decisions created more chaos. I’m back to finding and creating a stability that works for me.

Going forward I don’t know what my destination is. I do know that as I move forward I will proactively be with people that are supportive and care about not just me, but people as a community. This will include textiles, design, technology, publicity and some other wonderful opportunities. It’s going to be a hard climb, recovery and transition. But I will do it. I will be a better me with that much less chaos.

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