Posted by: L | December 9, 2009

When do people show you who they really are?

In the smallest (and sometimes biggest) of tells.

It’s been an interesting back-to-back two days that connected each other in a way that brought home an observation made yesterday. Grudges or resentment. Do you have them towards others? And if you have them, have you moved to a place of forgiveness? I’ve thought about this quite a bit today and can say, on the whole yes. But in one case I’m not sure. I’m also not sure I should be blogging about it, but another part of me thinks, why not.

In this case, I actually had moved to forgiveness of this person. He’d apologized many years ago and again in the last year. At the time, I let him know how I felt about the situation he created, the people he hurt and in the end they were (and are) his issues.  Ironically, we bumped along professionally on behalf of a client in the last year quite well. Which I felt confirmed that I had moved to forgiveness.

What made me think I might still have some resentment toward him? A public situation month’s ago. We’d had a very public glass of wine, some laughs and another apology for his behavior. OK you think? I thought so, until he went on to comment that if my current relationship didn’t work out, would I consider a relationship again? Uhmmm no. The sad thing is, I really believe he meant it and really hoped I might be flattered. I walked away knowing that my current relationship is a strong and good one, but also feeling sad and a bit bruised. Not quite as bruised (more like battered at the time) as I and three others were many years ago. Lies, wrapped in lies and then lies to cover up lies. We all know the story. Not good.

I’m not back to square one, but I do feel that I have resentment for this last incident. My work in the next months is to work through the resentment and then, let it go. I will say that I refuse to become so cynical that I can’t enjoy a glass of wine, in a public place with someone that I have forgiven. I also believe that I’m in a place in my life that I can (and do) have empathy for him. That should help. I hope.

How about you? Any grudges you could work on?

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