Posted by: L | March 16, 2010

The Invitation and Regards

It’s been a quiet and difficult two weeks. One that we, each of us, face at some point in our lives. After a long battle with Alzheimer’s my father passed quietly last week as did a wonderful member of my second family, A. Potestio.

Both lived long, productive lives and both will be missed. Neither was perfect (they were human) but both lived life well and with love. Can one really ask for more?

G.D Cumming, 1934 – 2010
A. Potestio – 1923 – 2010

The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,

Posted by: L | March 1, 2010

Poetry

One could say that I’m a closet poetry reader. It’s true I am. One my favorites is D.H. Lawrence. His stark, clear prose of nature and observations of humanity always strike a cord. Below are two of my favorites (that I’d forgotten) and read again yesterday is:

“I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.”

“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

With those two thoughts in mind. I’m off to knit.

Posted by: L | February 26, 2010

I’m off…

For some much needed pampering. Before the pampering, I’m headed to the gym for a light workout. I need it. Desperately. OK, maybe not Desperately. But I need it just the same. I’m still on the 1200 calorie days (sadly I think for the rest of my life) and it hit me last night (as I was buying my tender chicken’s) that yes, I have days I choose my food based on my emotions. Yes, Oprah. I FINALLY get it. Even skinny people eat (or don’t) based on emotion. The myfitnesspal tracking program is a no holes, doesn’t lie what’s going into my mouth program. It’s been sobering and liberating.

Progress on knitting to!

Posted by: L | February 19, 2010

Bad blogger

I don’t even know where to start. Juuuusssstttt when I think I’ve caught the tail by the end I realize I’m STILL behind on everything! I’m not liking this at all. 2009 seemed to be a year that everyone took a deep breath and then held it. This year, they’ve let the air out and it’s been with a BIG WHOOSH. I’m not complaining. (OK, maybe a little). It’s leading to some interesting places. I just wish I could catch up.

Knitting? What’s that? Sticks? String? Making? Deadlines? Oy!

Spinning? I managed to spend two days with Judith at Madrona. Can I just say. Treat! After spending one of those days on Candace’s (Nihon Level 3-4) Matchless I’m finally biting the bullet and am trading in my Kromski Sonata for a Matchless. I’ve been saving for a couple of months and my girlfriend Farrah is buying the Kromski.  In between catching up from one project to the next I’ve been practicing buying it on Carolina Homespun. I’ll hit the ‘Purchase’ button next week. It’s adding to the ‘in the weeds’ feeling even more, but it’s fun!

Matchless + Down breeds

Madrona was a fabulous time. But when is it not? I hung out with my sister, Nihon Vogue gals, had dinner with my sister and Judy B one night, made new friends, and finished off the weekend with T on Sunday.

I have so much more to say, but haven’t sorted out how to say it. Words. Just to many of them bouncing around. Funny that. More later. I promise. I’m now going to play hooky and enjoy the Portland Sunshine! In the weeds an all.

PS: I’m happy to report that I’m still ‘grazing’ at 1,200 calories a day and down 3.1 lbs over 7 weeks. I’m monitoring each week (with T’s input) on where to stop.

Posted by: L | January 28, 2010

Chrissy G’s Toe-Up Interview

An interview with with Chrissy by Twisted. She’s of one of my favorite people and designers. Wahooo….!!!

Enjoy

Posted by: L | January 25, 2010

Shot from a cannon …

This month feels like I’ve been shot from a cannon.  I’m still flying through the sky without having hit my target. I will make them by the end of the month though.

It’s partly because I’ve been busy working to get a last minute tech editing job off my plate. I was able to start (a bit) the week of Christmas, then took a break for family and final prep for two classes I taught at TNNA. I’ve been back on the reading, editing and envisioning in 3D non-stop since January 12. Four patterns and two graphs done. Grading on the sweater completed and in review on the other end. One more round in-house on count and that should be done. Just the flat pattern to do. It’s been fun and a learning experience. I do love tech editing patterns. Geeky I know, but fun.

Travel for a client this week. We’re prepped for the meeting. OK. Almost prepped for the meeting. One last meeting in-house Wed. morning and we’ll be good to go. Then off on the O’ dark 30 flight Thursday.

What else? Several late night homework sessions. I realized yesterday that I’m ahead in one class and behind in another. Sigh. The one I’m behind in is my coding class. Arrrrgggg….I’m hoping to be caught up by the weekend.

I did have a little fun this weekend. I picked up the yarn for two projects from ShiBui Knits that will be in Judy Becker’s (Persistent Illusion) self-published book. More about designing and 2010 in another post. I can’t wait to get my hands on the yarn. The projects, with notes, etc. are due end of March. Shouldn’t be a problem.

It will be nice to have yarn in my hands again. Next to my yoga practice, it’s one of the most relaxing things I’ve been doing of late.

Nihon Vogue. Oh let’s just not go there. I’ve missed all the deadlines I gave myself. I will have two of the three done though. If I’m lucky. VERY lucky I’ll have the third one done too. It’s the child’s crotchet vest. Luck. I need lots of luck.

I’ve managed to stay on my 1,200 calorie a day (or so) intake for two weeks now. With my physical therapy work outs I’m down .8 pounds. I anticipate it will take me about 4-6 months to lose the 8-9 pounds I would like. I’m sticking to foods from the grocery store, what I can cook vs. a special program that I have to buy into.

Back to work.

Posted by: L | January 12, 2010

Crackin on the “Food Diary”

I’ll tell you this is not easy (and it’s only the first week!) but it’s darn good. When I sorted my daily in-take for today (minus those lovely crackers!) I ended up with this.

My only adjustment is that I have to achieve about 25-30 grams of fiber a day to keep my cholesterol in check, which means my fat intake is a few numbers above. Even with all the food listed (and yes I am eating these portions) I’m still short 160 calories and feel like I’ve been grazing all day just to eat this much. I’m leaving it at this today. I’m sure I’ll get better with time.

This nifty little tool can be found at MyFitnessPal. It lets me enter in my foods, then finds them and lets me select the brand (or generic if they don’t have it) and regulate portions on my iPod or via the website. They cross update each other when I sync. How cool is that! I did today’s menu last night based on what I have in the pantry now. I’ll adjust my shopping at the weekend for a couple of other additions.

Man, those crackers where taking up a lot of not good ‘space’.

Posted by: L | January 11, 2010

Where to start …

Happy New Year seems a bit late. But, well Happy New Year to you! It’s only January 11 and I feel like a ball that’s been shot out of a cannon. Not only did I have TNNA January 7 – 10, with two classes to teach on the 7th, I also started classes at PSU January 4 and have several client projects to complete by the 26th. Thank goodness both PSU classes are online! I can’t decide if I’m a glutton for punishment (likely) or just crazy. Most likely both.

TNNA was productive and fun. Lots of work and lots of meetings for my company Urban Fiber Studio. The panel I managed for AKD Friday night was a success. We’re hoping to do a second in June. I also managed to catch up with an old Noe Knit colleague who is an Editor at STC Crafts. If only we’d had an afternoon and some knitting. Sigh.

View of The Breakers in Long Beach. It’s now a retirement home.

New products the day before opening.

ShiBui’s booth set up Friday.

2009 all-in-all was a decent year. It ended with a bang. My Christmas present for 2009 (Easter, Labor Day, B-Day, you name it for 2010) was acceptance into a loan modification program. It arrived on my doorstep Monday, December 21. Literally. I’m thrilled. I filled out on the paperwork and mailed it back so fast it made my head spin. January 1 was its kick off. I’m hoping I get final approval in the next 3-4 months. It looks promising. If I do, I’ll be able to keep my home. It took the bank about 6-months (and running through my savings) to determine if I qualified. Fingers crossed.

I’m frantically working on finishing up Nihon Vogue. Hoping to get three projects tidied up and in my design notebook by Feb. 11 for Madrona where Jean can review and (might I hope) sign off on them. I’ve given myself until the end of March to get everything finished.

I’m still mulling around my thoughts and goals for 2010. I try to make a growth, personal and travel one each year. My personal goal is to start to track the food that I eat. Every day. I’m getting a bit annoyed at myself for not losing (or at least toning up) the last several pounds I put on from my surgery. I don’t have much, but the ones left are hardest. I’m pretty realistic in that I don’t think I look good below 120 pounds at almost 5’5″. So I’m being safe. I figure it will take 6-months for the final ‘bit’ to come off. I should be on a 1,200 calorie intake each day. I’m currently at about 1,600 1,750. I’ve downloaded an app to my iphone that lets me track my meals each day. It’s kind of cool. It’s the crackers I’ve been eating for fiber. Who new crackers could have so many calories. Sigh. I’m also working out 4-6 days a week. That will help. I’m giving myself one cheat day a week where I can take in 1,600, but it has to be on an exercise day.

I’ve also decided to continue to move beyond traditional Marcom and PR via a Multimedia Certificate and Art History courses (yes and Nihon Vogue in Sept.). I’ve worked (OK dabbled) in Social Media and started several successful direct communication program. Enough to want to know more for my clients (maybe new ones) and my two businesses. I figure it can’t hurt. Why Art History? I figure why not? I was never able to take any when I was IN college…

Posted by: L | December 28, 2009

Under the weather

We had a great Christmas this year. T, my Mom, brother and his girlfriend headed over for a  festive day. No major snafu’s and plenty of food to eat.

I’m a bit under the weather with another cold coming on. We had another guest, CC for the week. She goes home Tuesday.

She was ‘helping’ with chores Saturday.

She really likes to hang out with T.

She followed The Family down the stairs Christmas night. She was ready for her walk and wondering where I was. A ‘hello’ I’m down here, what are you doing up there kinda look.

I promise more in the New Year. Off to work on some things for TNNA.

Posted by: L | December 9, 2009

When do people show you who they really are?

In the smallest (and sometimes biggest) of tells.

It’s been an interesting back-to-back two days that connected each other in a way that brought home an observation made yesterday. Grudges or resentment. Do you have them towards others? And if you have them, have you moved to a place of forgiveness? I’ve thought about this quite a bit today and can say, on the whole yes. But in one case I’m not sure. I’m also not sure I should be blogging about it, but another part of me thinks, why not.

In this case, I actually had moved to forgiveness of this person. He’d apologized many years ago and again in the last year. At the time, I let him know how I felt about the situation he created, the people he hurt and in the end they were (and are) his issues.  Ironically, we bumped along professionally on behalf of a client in the last year quite well. Which I felt confirmed that I had moved to forgiveness.

What made me think I might still have some resentment toward him? A public situation month’s ago. We’d had a very public glass of wine, some laughs and another apology for his behavior. OK you think? I thought so, until he went on to comment that if my current relationship didn’t work out, would I consider a relationship again? Uhmmm no. The sad thing is, I really believe he meant it and really hoped I might be flattered. I walked away knowing that my current relationship is a strong and good one, but also feeling sad and a bit bruised. Not quite as bruised (more like battered at the time) as I and three others were many years ago. Lies, wrapped in lies and then lies to cover up lies. We all know the story. Not good.

I’m not back to square one, but I do feel that I have resentment for this last incident. My work in the next months is to work through the resentment and then, let it go. I will say that I refuse to become so cynical that I can’t enjoy a glass of wine, in a public place with someone that I have forgiven. I also believe that I’m in a place in my life that I can (and do) have empathy for him. That should help. I hope.

How about you? Any grudges you could work on?

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